


A Monkey Sits Down At A Bar With A Dragon

by Illusinia



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2018-02-15 05:21:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2217258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illusinia/pseuds/Illusinia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>May is trying to tame her swirling thoughts when the last person she wants to see at that exact moment comes to say hello. Good thing they can talk things out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Monkey Sits Down At A Bar With A Dragon

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this came from, but here you go. I'm not particularly good at writing internal May. Add to that the lack of precedent for this kind of story and...yeah. So any comments or suggestions for improving this story will be well appreciated.

Clinking glass. It was a soothing sound for May as she set down the tumbler. Familiar. Her anger over Ward was still burning bright, but it wasn't for the reasons everyone thought. They all believed she was mad because he'd betrayed her. Because he'd tricked her into sleeping with him. Believed she had felt something more for him than the neutrality she claimed. They never thought maybe, just maybe, her feelings had been misplaced. That her rage wasn't for what he'd done to her, but for what he'd done to someone else.

 

It didn't matter how hard she tried to suppress the feelings that threatened her calm, she just couldn't shake them. She'd tried to refocus her emotions, turn them into raw sexual energy that could be dissipated with Ward. Anything that would keep the feeling twisting in the pit of her stomach from swimming to the surface. Ward had been a distraction for her, just as she'd been a distraction for him. He could claim it was a way to gain her trust all he wanted to; she had been a surrogate for Skye and she never pretended that wasn't the case. Even a blind man could see how attached to the hacker Ward was. Even now that he was sitting behind bars where he belonged, he still couldn't hide his connection to her from psychologist who he was being forced to see. According to the psychologist's report, Skye was Ward's 'shut down topic'.

 

Fortunately, she was a bit more talented at hiding her feelings and thoughts than her ex-teammate (lover was too intimate a term for what they'd been). Too bad she wasn't sure how long she'd be able to keep up the charade. Phil hadn't said a word to her about the rage she took out on Ward, but the look he gave her said he knew why. Of course, who knew how long Phil had known. The man was the quintessential spook for a reason: he somehow knew everything. Fury had definitely taught Phil well.

 

A creak from the seat beside May brought her out of her thoughts and drew her attention to whoever had taken the seat beside her. She turned slightly to nod at whoever had chosen to join her (most likely Phil; he always knew when she was troubled). But a glance at her visitor had her looking forward again as quickly as she could.

 

Shit. He was the last person she wanted to see right now. It was hard to guess how many shots she'd thrown back by now, but it was enough to make her light headed and she really, really didn't need to be talking to him. This was a terrible idea. She needed to get out of there.

 

“Oi, pass the scotch.” Fitz's rough Scottish accent washed over her fuzzy mind, almost making her want to shiver. Without a word or glance, she passed him the bottle that had, until that moment, been planted firmly in front of her. If she kept looking forward, maybe she could ignore him long enough to get out of there without doing something stupid. Unfortunately, just standing up and storming off wasn't really a good option; their team was all that was left of SHIELD at the moment and they needed to be on good terms. Plus Phil was still angry with her and having Fitz telling people she was pissed at him for no reason wouldn't help keep the team together. It had been so easy before he nearly died to keep from doing something obvious, but after everything that had happened, her heart didn't really like the whole 'do nothing' idea anymore.

 

 _Just remember, he has Simmons. He loves Simmons; she's his world. He was willing to sacrifice himself for her. Simmons is his ideal woman, he wants her and only her._ Taking a fortifying gulp of her own glass, May tried to focus solely on the burn of the alcohol as it slipped down her throat. She needed to get out of there. Nothing was stopping her from just standing up and leaving, so why couldn't she get her legs to move?

 

Another click of glass on wood caught May's attention for the second time and she couldn't stop her eyes from shifting to the source. Fitz had returned the bottle to the bar, his glass now full as he picked it up to take a sip. She watched as his throat bobbed, head tilting slightly as he sipped at the strong liquid. Regardless of the fact that Fitz wasn't capable of taking a man in a fight, he could drink any of the members of the team who _could_ take another man down under the table. But what was attractive about Fitz didn't come from physical strength or prowess in a fight. It came from the way his mind could seem to work through anything, even other people. She had been distracted by his excitement and energy more than once when she was trying to train; it had been one of the reasons she switched to the lounge for her Tai Chi, even though the cargo bay had more space. He just became so excited when he made a discovery and the way his fingers could gently manipulate the delicate electrical components he worked so well with....it was attention grabbing for certain. And something about his intense focus just kept drawing her in.

 

“Rough week,” remarked Fitz, setting his glass gently on the bar. His eyes slid over to May, head tilting slightly as he looked up at her. He was the taller of the two of them, but he didn't usually sit up straight unless Simmons reminded him to. “Let's hope next week is easier.”

 

“I doubt it will be,” countered May, already kicking herself for responding. Why couldn't she seem to just get up and leave?

 

“Yeah, we haven't managed to get a break so far, have we?” The dry laugh Fitz allowed to escape belied his exhaustion. “At least Trip finally got his head on straight.”

 

 _What does that mean?_ May shouldn't ask, it wasn't her business. She shouldn't care who had their head on straight or any of it. That didn't seem to stop her mouth though. Why had she suddenly lost her iron-clad control? “What do you mean?”

 

Fitz smiled a bit, apparently amused by something or another. “Didn't you noticed how he kept looking at Jemma? Like he wanted to wrap her up and never let her go.” Shaking his head a bit, Fitz took another sip of his drink, though it couldn't hide the sad smile that tugged at his lips. It was almost enough to make May wince. She knew that pain all too well.

 

“I'm sure she'd take you back if you said something,” offered May, careful to keep her voice neutral. This wasn't her issue, it wasn't her fight. She shouldn't care about any of this. These feelings for Fitz were pointless and she needed to obliterate them. _Maybe helping his get Simmons back will help with that though. If they're together, I won't be tempted to do anything stupid._

 

“Take me back?” repeated Fitz, brow furrowing as he turned fully to face May. She just lifted her head and an eyebrow in a clear message for him to cut the bullshit. Everyone knew he and Simmons were a thing; it was the worst kept secret on the team. “Simmons was never mine. I don't feel that way about her.”

 

_Wait, what?_

 

“I said, I don't feel that way about Jemma,” repeated Fitz, shaking his head a bit. Shit, she'd said that out loud? “She and I were never like that. We're siblings but not soul mates.”

 

 _Fitz isn't into Simmons? That's not possible. They look at each other like they're trying to crawl inside each other's skin._ May shook her head a bit, pushing those thoughts away. She wasn't going to go there. Just because Fitz didn't have a thing for Simmons didn't mean she had any right to go there. “That's surprising, actually.”

 

“Are you with Coulson?” questioned Fitz blatantly. The look May sent him clearly dismissed that idea almost immediately. He just shrugged in response. “There you go. Jemma and I are like you and Agent Coulson.”

 

May's eyes fell back to the counter as her mind raced. Could it really be that simple? Could Fitz and Simmons really just be friend like her and Phil? They'd been friends for years and lovers once or twice, but that part of their relationship never lasted. She could count the number of times on one hand she'd accepted Phil's offer of company that wasn't just an innocent drink with a guy from work. “You act a lot closer than Coulson and I.”

 

“Because we talk,” dismissed Fitz easily, shrugging a bit. “I'd say you and Agent Coulson are far closer than Jemma and I.”

 

For a moment, May considered that. Was it possible she was closer with Phil than Fitz was with Simmons? Yes, the other operative knew everything there was to know about her, but that was because he'd seen her at her worst. They'd been through hell together, so of course they would be close. She'd assumed Fitz and Simmons had the same kind of bond. Wasn't that was the Academy was supposed to do, after all? “Why?”

 

“Because you and Agent Coulson can just look at each other and know what the other is thinking,” explained Fitz with a shrug. “Jemma and I can do that, but we get things wrong sometimes. That's why we talk. But you and Agent Coulson can practically communicate an entire plan through facial expressions.” Was she imagining it, or was the last part said with just a touch of bitterness? “You two are definitely closer than Jemma and I.”

 

There was definite bitterness in his tone that time; she'd recognize the tone anywhere. But why? Was it that he really did love Simmons and was significantly more upset than he appeared that she was apparently with Trip? “You sound disappointed by that.”

 

“Disappointed?” repeated Fitz, his voice squeaking a little on the last syllable. It was adorable, though May wouldn't let herself think of it as such. That was a dangerous route to walk down. “I'm not disappointed about Jemma and I not being closer. We're about as close as two people can be without repeatedly facing death head on.”

 

“You faced death,” pointed out May, her eyes finally sliding over to meet those of the young scientist head on. Which was when she realized he looked a little less stable than he should after only half a glass of scotch. Had he been drinking before he showed up in the lounge then? Probably, if Simmons and Trip had just broken the news to him. It had to have been that day too; she would have noticed if it was before. Maybe what Fitz (and she) both needed was for the engineer to get a push towards talking with Simmons. If he did finally get together with Simmons, maybe she could finally completely dismiss these ridiculous feelings. “That changes things. It resets your priorities.”

 

Fitz nodded, holding her gaze firmly, though she could see the way he gulped a little. “It made plenty bloody clear to me.”

 

“You should act then,” encouraged May, the words feeling weird as they fell from her throat. Encouraging others wasn't something she was accustomed to doing except with Phil, and in many ways it felt wrong. But she knew Fitz needed the encouragement all the same. She'd spent enough time studying him to know he wasn't the most assertive person in the world. “You'll regret it otherwise.” She nearly closed her eyes as she spoke the last sentence. Damn her mind and these out-of-control feelings.

 

For a long moment, Fitz was silent as his eyes held hers, searching for something she couldn't begin to guess at. Maybe some sign she was lying? Or that she was attempting to deceive him? It was almost a little unnerving, if only because Fitz seemed so innocent most of the time. But maybe they were all wrong and he wasn't as innocent as he pretended to be. It wouldn't surprise her.

 

“Would you give me a chance if I asked for one?” asked Fitz, his voice tense. A shadow of fear haunted his eyes, further belying the nerves in his voice.

 

Again, May had to resist the urge to shut her eyes or look away. Seeing him in this state of uncertainty made her want to shelter him. It was an instinct that was being sorely misdirected. The nature of his question wasn't helping matters either. If he asked her for some strange reason, she wasn't sure she would say yes, if only because a part of her was terrified of what might happen if she did. These feelings that she'd been battling for months were so foreign, she wasn't sure she'd know how to handle them. Still, she didn't want to discourage Fitz from going for Simmons. If he needed reassurance from another before going after Simmons, she wouldn't deny it. And part of her knew, without thinking about it, that after everything that had happened, she likely would say yes regardless of her personal reservations. You only live once, after all, and sometimes you do have to take those chances. “Yes.”

 

Another long moment of silence fell between them, Fitz's eyes searching her face for something she still couldn't pinpoint. What could he possibly be looking for? Even if she was lying, she would be able to hide it from him. It wasn't exactly hard to do.

 

Finally, after a long stretch of silence that was beginning to make her very uneasy, he leaned forward a little with a muttered 'right then' and pressed his lips to hers.

 

May felt her body freeze, forcing her mind through every reassurance to keep from hurting the engineer. It was a hard battle and seriously, how could he be so reckless as to make a move without thinking about the fact she might hurt him just for moving suddenly? If she didn't have as much control over her body as she did, he could be seriously injured in a move like that.

 

He pulled back a second later, eyes wide and just a little startled as if he couldn't believe he'd just done that, either. But to his credit, he didn't run. Just leaned back a little and cleared his throat as a blush spread over his cheeks. “Um, I don't suppose you would still give me a chance, would you?”

 

It was May's turn to fall silent for a minute as she considered everything, both what she was feeling and what she'd felt only a moment ago. Beyond how startled she was, how thrown she was by Fitz's actions, the kiss had been far from unpleasant. It had felt good; better than she had believed it would be. Damn it. Regardless of all else, May wanted this. But she didn't want to be a substitute again; with Ward, she'd gone in known what was happening. With Fitz though, she wasn't sure it would be easy to remain detached. “I don't want to be someone's substitute again, Fitz. I'm not a distraction.”

 

Fitz blinked at her, brows furrowing in confusion. He opened his mouth once or twice before a look of realization and understanding crossed his face at last. Then, his hand reached across the bar to hover over her fingers for a moment before finally descending to take her hand. She didn't stop him. “May, that's not at all what this is.” He paused for a second, taking a deep breath before rushing his next words. “I'vebeeninterestedinyouforawhile.”

 

Between his accent and the rapid way he spoke, it was almost impossible to figure out what Fitz had said. Almost. Living on the Bus with the engineer for the past year had given May a bit of insight into his mind and how it worked. All she could successfully pick out though were the words 'interested' and 'while'. She definitely didn't want to jump to conclusions either. “Try that again, this time slower.”

 

Closing his eyes, Fitz took a deep breath and squeezed her hand a bit as he spoke. “I said: I've been interested in you for a while.” Another deep breath, then he continued. “I thought you were with Agent Coulson and I didn't want to make a fool of myself despite Jemma's encouragement. I thought the feeling might pass if I ignored it. Then Ward happened and I nearly died and...” His eyes opened at that point, sliding up to meet her own again. “I had to try. When I woke up, I wanted to see you just so I'd know you were alright.” A beat passed between them as May remained silent. She knew he had more to say; it was written on his face. All she needed to be was patient. He would get through it all eventually and, at this point, she'd wait all night if that's what it took to understand exactly what was happening. “May, Jemma and I aren't together. I want- I want you, May. It was stupid of me to wait so long and after you've been with Ward, I know I can't compare, but all I want is a chance.”

 

“A chance,” repeated May slowly, her eyes falling to their hands. His was surprisingly large over her own and she couldn't deny it was comforting. She didn't need a man to fight her battles or slay her dragons, but having someone like Fitz around was appealing in ways she'd been trying to understand for months. Carpe diem was about seizing the day and making the most of it. They had both almost died recently, both lost so much. Maybe it was about time they both got something they wanted in return.

 

Her fingers turned in his, shifting to lace with his own digits. Again, her eyes rose to meet him, but this time a small smile tugged on her lips. “I think a chance is is something I can give you.”


End file.
